2021.09.21 02:32 gaseousfinch186 In correspondence with my previous post
My crush who I went to homecoming with has a boyfriend, yet she gets nervous and fixes her hair around me, laughs at stuff I say that isn’t funny, gave me her Snapchat when I didn’t ask, and sends me all sorts of selfies. Does she
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2021.09.21 02:32 SnooCats2028 Kitten
It’s been about a week since the last text goodbye, 3 weeks since 3 parts of me were removed. With everything in my life right now, you’re still my first thought every morning. You’re my last thought at night. I deleted all the pics of you and the kids, they hurt too much to keep, but not it hurts that I don’t even have that little bit of you left. I’m working hard to fix my issues, and you’ll either forgive me for pushing to hard and message me or you’ll never unblock or respond to me again. I truly don’t blame you. You went through so much growing up, so many struggles in early adulthood, but you came out as the most amazing woman and mom I’ve ever known. You inspired me to be better as a person, as a man, as a dad, as a friend and as a lover. I miss you, I love you. Bunches and bunches. -M
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2021.09.21 02:32 Illustrious_Two_3058 Transcendance, addiction, feeling lost, I need help.
This sub seems like a safe place me to share some things I need to get off my chest. I hope there are others here that relate to this, I am on my last legs.
If I didn't beleive that a greater reality exists behind the perception of this one I most likely would have called it quits and hung myself long ago. The prospect of having a career, kids and active social life has never interested me enough to even get out of bed most mornings. Most people seem content with Earthly things and don't struggle with life's deeper questions. They are to busy and have demanding responsibilities taking up most of their time and there's nothing wrong with that.
However, I've had an intense life long obsession with trying to understand reality, a hunch that something vital is missing in this world. Every time I try to live a normal life I get forced out and distracted. Pursing earth bound goals without knowing what the bigger picture is seems tragic and pointless to me. Being the average Joe with a 9 to 5 job, wife, kids, friends and weekend golf matches is something I'm allergic to. I just cant do it untill something else is resolved, it seems beyond pointless. When I look at others bound to their routine work/sleep/eat routine all I see are people with shovels digging up holes and filling them back in, day after day, nonstop, for 99% of their waking life. I wish there was a way to fix it so badly.
Almost every movie, book, videogame and even song lyrics that has ever interested me, felt meaningful, or triggered a very intense strange feeling like stomach butterflies had elements in the story consistent with transcention. The idea of being a slave in an illusory reality then somehow finding out shocking truths about actual reality and through being in love finds a way to something greater. This theme is so consistently pointed out to me through feeling. When I remember things I was drawn towards in the past, those times that felt the most "meaningfull" unbeknownst to me at the time related strongly to this theme of separation, overcoming obstacles then transformation in some specific context. The Crysalids was my favourite book by far as a kid, something about the story triggered very weird emotions, being in a crysalsis transforming into higher being related to me somehow, sort of like deja vu. It sparked an inner reaction that I never have gotten over.
I was remembering, longing for something lost, something about it felt so real and intense but couldn't make logical sense of why I had those feelings. In my dreams I was like astro boy, flying wherever I wanted and communication through telepathy as though I should be able to do in waking life. Rosalind's "thought shapes" triggered an intense jealously or envy, of something I felt I should be able to do as well. In some ways it absolutely terrified me.
This leads to one of the reasons why I need to take this 100% seriously, despite the woo.
When I was 12 years old, the first time listening to the song 'Ordinary World' by duran duran scared me half to death. It was abjectly painful for me to hear, I was very frightened some reason, I had no idea or concept of what the lyrics were, I just knew that song hit a funny bone and felt impossbly strange to hear. I never knew why or thought there was any reason for my emotions to do this. The lyrics: "
What has happened to it all? Crazy, some'd say Where is the life that I recognize? (Gone away)
But I won't cry for yesterday There's an ordinary world Somehow I have to find And as I try to make my way To the ordinary world I will learn to survive
felt so real and important to me. I was greiving a loss I couldnt remember having but "knew" something was gone permanently. The world became weird. How can it be explained for this to have happened to me, missing an old reality and forced to adapt to a new one. Other than the lyrics giving me real information about my real past that I could remember only on an emotional level. No other explanation can account for what I went through. At all. That song gave me goosebumps and an impossibly weird feeling. I was nervous and frightened anytime I listened to it. The most disturbing thing back then which caused me the most trauma was that I was conditioned to never share emotions with my family. It was scared, weird and awkward to tell my parents about any music i liked and it's effect on my feelings, forbidden. I was alone, had I do try to deal with it myself and never speak a word to anyone because that would mean im crazy. Those were my exact thoughts.
Many other songs had a similar effect on me. Looking back throughout all my life in every instance when I've had a strong emotional reaction to a song I only later realized the lyrics could be interpretted in the context relating to missing "the normal", of undergoing a feeling of loss, having a desire to be somewhere else, being stuck in a strange world thats not home, separated from family, and unable to remember the real past.
The song cat's in the cradle, about a child and father longing to be with each and missing each other other but being unable to do so because of circumstances hit me hard as well. Life made no sense, I was bewildered and terrified at the thought of a "normal" life. No other person seemed to understand me or even have the tiniest inkling of what was happening to me.
I learned to forcibly supress and never talk about how I actually felt inside. It made no sense at all. I was "going through the motions" of being a normal child as best I could but what really mattered to me the most inside was something else. I could never be my "true self" and always acted as best I could to fit in but lacked any true personality, I did my best at pretending to be like other kids saying I like the same things they like, trying to have more in common with, but ultimately I was bullied into beleiving I was just "stupidiest" person in the class or anywhere else, that is what I honestly believed.
I couldnt remember actually being anywhere else, just an overwhelming depressed sad feeling of loosing something I once had in the past. It was one of my "problems". Life was meaningless, pointless and boring. Going to school then having a job is what everyone must do, but I routinely failed to understand what made people tick. This working all day idea was not related to anything I could feel as being important. Getting back and fixing whatever it is humans have lost felt like the only important things anyone should bother spending time on.
This is the worst kind of torture, doing something non-stop that is completely meaningless and pointless while blind to the profound and important things going on elsewhere. This affects me, I am extremely emotional, empathetic and sensitive. It burns me so hard inside down to the core. Things shouldn't be this way, people don't realize what has been taken from them, everyone is missing a part of their soul and has been brainwashed into believing this is normal and all there is. It hurts me so much and I take on everyone elses feelings as my own. I can't deal with it anymore, its torture. I can't function day to day at all, it's impossible for me to sit still, think straight, socailize or sleep at night. This haunts me everywhere all the time and worst part about it is that I have to pretend it doesn't matter.
No one Ive met in real life has even the slightest clue what I'm getting at when I try to be honest about myself and explain this. I have to force a smile and pretend nothing is wrong with me. I can't help being dispassionate about "normal" things and people misunderstand me, thinking I dont care about anything - I suffered abuse as a child and cauased greif to my parents because I wasn't normal, didn't fit in anywhere or have real friends like everyone else.
The only way I've ever been able to stop obsessing and worrying 24/7 is by having potent distractions.
Life feels like a permant dress rehersal, nothing here is the real thing, we don't know where we can from who we are and where we are going and pretend it doens't matter. All our pursuits feel utterly in vain except for how they address this situation. Something outside of this world has been calling me all my life, giving me subtle hints about a greater purpose. Strange synchronicities like seeing the number 33 everywhere as of late might be gentle reassurance I'm not crazy.
I am severely addicted to a mix of over the counter drugs (gravol, dxm and tylenol 1).
The reasons for this are above.
It's hurting me very much and I know I should stop but I'm pathologically deluded into thinking it doesn't exist, or isnt serious at all 99% of the time. Every single day I take 50-60 pills, I have been doing this for many many years, handfuls upon handfulls, automatically without a second thought whatsoever, almost involuntary.
There is ABSOLUTELY no way out, no hope, nothing on this planet to stop what I'm doing to myself that doesn't involve real transcendence and finding out my life's true purpose, assuming it exists.. Ive tried everything many times over, I even spent two YEARS in a strict residentlal recovery program but that still wasn't enough.
I can deal with my feelings somewhat and not act crazy by suppressing my memory through drugs, but now I've realized this cant go on much longer. My addiction is so strong and feels so necessary in order to prevent me from dealing with my inner emotions.
So, I at least have a shred of small hope that indeed - my life story as I've outlined here might relate to many other people as well. I know it does. We are stuck here together.
I know this post may sound redundant, but it is a literal life and death situation for me if I don't soon figure out what I can do about this. I dont know what to do. I have to believe there's reasons why I'm here and what I must do. I am asking therefore, for people who feel the same way to come together so we can figure this out. This is to much for me to handle alone. The urge to swallow 20 pills of gravol every 4 hours, so I can forget about the severity of my problems is going to keep happening unless I do something.
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2021.09.21 02:32 tren2k_ Is it legal for the server's shuttle to touch the net?
"If the server’s shuttle touches the net or goes out of bounds of the court, the receiving playeside wins the point."
I've always played with rules that the shuttle could touch the net, but I found this article yesterday saying that it's illegal. Is this true?
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2021.09.21 02:32 pipandcrumb1998 Super uncomfortable sharing my pregnancy with family.
Today marks 13 weeks exactly, which puts me in second trimester (yay!!!!). My mom keeps pressuring me to tell our family, and I’m extremely uncomfortable about it. I’m relatively young (23) and I’m not married. I would’ve liked to be married first but things happen! My partner and I have been together for three years and we are so excited. But my mom was also 23 when she had me, and back then, although it doesn’t seem like THAT long ago, her family specifically her parents were so mad at her because she wasn’t married. Over the course of MY life, I’ve had my grandmother make comments about how “not to follow in my mom’s footsteps”, and I’ve heard one of her siblings talking to her about how they “can’t imagine having a child that was unwanted”. She pressured me into telling my grandparents, so I did. My grandma cried, and I wasn’t sure if it was out of happiness or pity, so I started to cry because I was honestly a little embarrassed and felt uncomfortable (grandma was super excited). Then my grandpa heard the news and was clearly not happy about it. She’s now pushing me to tell one of my aunts, and I’m close with her so whatever but it almost feels like I’m telling them my personal medical advice. She claims they’ll be excited, but I don’t believe that considering the comments they’ve made about my literal existence and how I was brought into the world. I love my boyfriend’s family and they all have little ones, so I’m super excited to share with them because I know they won’t look at me and feel sorry for me. Sorry for my rant, I’m just so uncomfortable and my mom is really pissing me off. I told her she needs to back off. We don’t have the best relationship and I feel like she wants me to tell them so they can all go and gossip about me.
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2021.09.21 02:32 royrogersmacfreely  Listen Omanyte, idk either ok. I guess they ran out of fossil ideas.
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2021.09.21 02:32 thisistheweigh87 Allergic to insulin?
If I was having an allergic reaction to the insulin, would it only appear at the injection site? Since starting my evening dose, I’ve randomly broken out into the smallest flesh colored bumps that are SO itchy! Not at the injection site, though.
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2021.09.21 02:32 SimplyTheJester Amlodipine 5mg / hydrochlorothiazide 12.5mg daily
Had my first Primary Doctor visit since the hypertension diagnosis. Been on Amlodipine 5mg daily for about 5 or 6 weeks now. Haven't felt any side effects (yet). Got me down to about 120 to 139 / 85 to 95. So I was still high, but I assume it is because I just started.
I had a really high reading in the doctor's office. 170/90 something. I brought my home monitor and it said similar. I was 120s/80s before the visit and 120s/80s 4 hours after the visit (when I got home). Doc took a second reading at the end of the visit because I said "maybe I was anxious before?" It was lower but in the 160s, so still higher than I've been in a month.
Added hydrochlorothiazide (diuretic) 12.5mg daily. I'm a bit worried after reading others compain about side effects when I searched that term here and bloodpressure . I'm doing some major studying and the thought of become a zombie would stress me out knowing it would compromise my studies.
I also read it might lower Potassium. My reading was already slightly lower than the normal range. Doc did give a 2 week prescription of Potassium CL ER 10 MEQ. And I bought a juicer right after the doc visit so I can make high potassium juices.
Anybody have similar circumstances (Amlo + Hydro w/ low potassium lab results). I also have an inexpensive scale and one of the readings it gives back is body water % and it tells me I am low, not high. Hence, the opposite of retaining water?
But it is a low dollar weight scale from Amazon and I only take the body weight reading as a truly accurate reading. I take notice of the others, but don't consider them medically accurate because I assume it is doing a makeshift # (formula) as opposed to a full on medical evaluation #.
I have to set up a blood lab work test in 30 days and then see the doctor again after those 30 days (had labs done about 3 0 days earlier in the ER, so the doc used those as the baseline / starting to compare against.
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2021.09.21 02:32 tritonvision iOS15 Add Lock to Wallet
2021.09.21 02:32 noporesforlife Dark Walnut turned bowl. Really happy with this finish. It's been fun experimenting.
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2021.09.21 02:32 Hocon2147 What do you guys think?
2021.09.21 02:32 AutoGif Season 1 Smile GIF by Mr. Mercedes - Find & Share on GIPHY
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2021.09.21 02:32 Elegant-Tree6274 Someone had to do it
2021.09.21 02:32 lilymarielmao My mom sympathizes with my creepy, possibly predatory neighbor.
Hi! I’ll make this as short as possible.
I have a new neighbor who has made me very uncomfortable on several occasions. He’s much older than me (I’m a 21yo female) and I’m assuming he has a mental illness.
He asked me “where our relationship is going” the second time we ever spoke. I never gave him any indication I was interested, let alone wanting a relationship.
He regularly knocks on my door and asks me to come over to his apartment, to which I always deny.
Most recently, he texted me saying that he is planning on moving into a 4 bedroom house (section 8) and asked me to move in with him to make it a “happy home”. I didn’t reply.
A couple days after, I ran into him in the hall as I was leaving my apartment. He quickly started walking back to his apartment and said “hi, how you doing?”. I said “hi, fine” politely and he said “see you later” still rushing to his door.
I sent my mom a screenshot of his text and told her everything that’s happened, including our last weird encounter.
The empathetic person she is, she told me how bad she felt for him and was almost to the point of tears. She went on about how lonely he must be and how embarrassed he must have been when I hadn’t replied.
I understand her thought process but it makes me feel awful! This is why I’m usually a people pleaser, even to creeps.
She has a history of doing this, especially when I reject random boys who hit on me or break up with shitty boyfriends. “I feel like he’s my son” she says, about every random guy I come in contact with!
What do you guys make of this? Should I bring it up to her?
Thanks for any kind comments:)
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2021.09.21 02:32 lrmrchs Streak 38 - ¿Eres la misma persona en las redes sociales que en la vida real?
No, y creo que nadie es la misma persona en las redes sociales que en la vida real. Con todo, creo que yo tengo diferentes "personas" en cada rede social. Por ejemplo, en Instagram soy mucho más reservada, no muestro mucho que se pasa en mi vida, solamente mis viajes y buenos momentos y no publico con frecuencia en modo publico. Cuando publico a los stories, por ejemplo, utilizo el "mejores amigos" con solamente 3~4 personas, que los cambio con una cierta frecuencia. En el Facebook no publico nada a mi perfil, pero soy ativa en los grupos (que son la razón que ainda lo utilizo), y estoy siempre exponiendo mis opiniones y experiencias, a veces demasiado. En el Twitter expreso la versión más "realista" de mi misma, soy muy ativa y tengo menos filtros, porque tengo pocos seguidores y mi perfil es privado.
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2021.09.21 02:32 yurmomnotgaybruh blursed spidermon
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2021.09.21 02:32 DallasStarsFan-SA Happy 9/20/21 San Antonio!
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2021.09.21 02:32 AutoGif Love You Kiss GIF by Walter Mercado - Find & Share on GIPHY
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2021.09.21 02:32 _PhillipOliverHoles_ Oh, dear God, no... THEY'RE CO-DEPENDANT!!
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2021.09.21 02:32 Butterycrispyfae hidi-ho!
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2021.09.21 02:32 cowyanglembu Any good medical blogs out there?
I just got a job as a writer for a cancer hospital. Are there any good medical blogs to refer to to get a sense of tone to write for a hospital? My writing style is more on the comedic side of things and would prefer to continue writing that way, but I don't want to overstep any lines and making it sound insensitive to cancer patients
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2021.09.21 02:32 Meetyeepdatboi I love this angle
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2021.09.21 02:32 houseparty1111111 HELP needed, lets make a trade!
2021.09.21 02:32 kelliecrystalbelle Oh
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2021.09.21 02:32 Thin-Shirt6688 How Mormon Missionaries Learn Languages Fast (2021) [00:24:01]
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