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I (30M) Am Not Sure If I'm Happy With My Wife (29F)

2021.05.07 04:34 ThrowRA097121 I (30M) Am Not Sure If I'm Happy With My Wife (29F)

My wife and I have been married for 6 years. We own a house together, have no kids, and five pets (4 cats and 1 dog).
I'm not sure if I'm in a slump, or if it's a sign of deeper problems, but I just don't know if I'm really happy with my life and our relationship.
Here's some specifics:

  1. I feel like we don't really have any common interests anymore. I am a pretty big nerd who enjoys things like videogames, Dungeons & Dragons, and horror and fantasy movies. She did most of these things with me while we were dating and early in our marriage (everything but horror), but never wants to now even when I ask her to and now I just don't ask any more. Her interests are around baking (she runs a small baking bussiness on the side) and all things Korean. I've tried to show interest in these things as well, but I'm terrible at baking (I have helped her in the kitchen multiple times, but it never feels like it's fun for either of us). As for Korean things, I've watched some K dramas with her and listened to K pop with her, but they just aren't my jam and I'd rather be doing something else. I really miss doing things together.
  2. The sex isn't great. I don't know how better to say it. We don't have sex very often (once every 2 weeks or so) and it just doesn't feel sexy. It's hard to explain, but if I'm in the mood anytime other than right before bed, she almost always says no. If I try to initiate by being playful or flirty, she just laughs it off and will say we can do it later that night. Well, I'm not exactly a teenager anymore, and by that night I very well might not be feeling it myself anymore, but I'm not going to turn it down. Every time we do do the deed, it's nearly the exact same abd it always feels like she wants to rush through it without any foreplay. She's often being a bit goofy or jokes about things which makes it harder for me to stay aroused which then makes me feel embarrassed. I've talked with her about this, and we've tried a few new things, but after a week or so, it just goes back to the way it was. I'm not saying that I constantly want wild and crazy sex, but I would like it to feel a bit more special whereas now it seems like she sees it as a chore.
  3. We are both fairly unhappy with our jobs which are pretty stressful and tiring. I feel like this could also be putting stress on our relationship. We're both teachers at different schools and so it's not like we don't work similar hours.
  4. She's argumentative. I've always been fairly easygoing and avoid conflict whenever possible. She seems like she always has to be right though and is very stubborn. We don't fight really, it's more like I'll say something and speak my opinion/mind and she'll point out why I'm wrong, and then we go back and forth without really agreeing or coming to an understanding until I just say "okay" and move on.
  5. She thinks I don't do enough around the house and I think she's too fixated on certain things. If we're having a meal together, we'll both be cooking it together in the kitchen. Later, she'll load the dishwasher, I'll unload it (I often load it too), any handwash dishes, she washes and I dry. For laundry, she generally loads it in the washer, I will swap them to the dryer, and we'll both put the clothes away. I am usually the one to take the trash out. As for all the other chores, we kinda take turns. I like things to be fairly clean (I'm certainly not a neat freak), but I don't obsess over it being perfect. She doesn't either, but will often come home and complain that I haven't done something yet and always makes it seem like I don't know what I'm doing. I usually get home a bit before her, and it seems like almost every single time she gets home, she immediately wants me to do one of the above chores. It's like there's an arbitrary time crunch on these tasks. Now I don't mind doing these, but I'd really like to not have her demand something of me as soon as she walks in the door ya know?
  6. She's ALWAYS on her phone generally scrolling through TikTok. I know this is probably pretty petty, but it's just something that annoys the hell out of me. I I want to show her something I'm proud of in a videogame, she's half looking at her phone. If we're watchungbTV together, she's on her phone. When we go to bed together, she's on her phone. Just before we have sex, she's on her phone, and immediately after, she's back on it. It makes me feel really distant from her.
  7. She's very emotional and easily cries. (We can't watch anything with a dog because it might die and she'll randomly think or see something sad and just cry and nit be ablebto get over it for atleast an hour) This makes it very difficult for me to complain or explain any disagreements. I love her and don't want her to be sad or cry because of something I do or say, so I often just don't say anything to avoid the drama.
Sorry that this is such a long post, I just wanted to speak this out into the void and see what others think and what advice you have.
Thanks
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I've seen a lot of people post about having trouble with kamikaze bots. These are the two things that helped me most:
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